we have pet lesbian snakes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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