The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
