the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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