Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
