Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
