I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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