AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
