I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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