i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
