So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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