Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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