Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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