the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
