marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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