He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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