ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
