Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
