Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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