Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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