dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
