Can Purell be used as lube?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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