Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
should my penis look like a turkey
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
