Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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