She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm both gender and math confused
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
