My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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