gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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