dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
