Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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