please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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