Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize