so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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