what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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