the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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