I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize