I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
