and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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