I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
