It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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