dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
