I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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