He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
