so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
