Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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