All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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