My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize