I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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