i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize