So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
