Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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