dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
