hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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