the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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