I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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