even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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