i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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