My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
