And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
