What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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