Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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