Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
