the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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