dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
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He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
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It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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