Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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