I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
