If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
